he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
