thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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