if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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