I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
