Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
