Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
