you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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