So drunk its hurt
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
