i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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