I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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