my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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