i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
