So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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