the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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