just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
