that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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