Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
