noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
