if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
pop tarts are not kleenex
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
