Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize