Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sorry about my life...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
