A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Everclear isn't food dammit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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