the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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