I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
