I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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