I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have post one night stand depression
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