All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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