I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
