Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize