You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
