In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
