Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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