my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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