saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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