"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
