dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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