did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sober January is a disaster.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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