if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
