I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
