idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
