Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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