I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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