11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
