i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So vagazzling was a success
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
