at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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