I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize