4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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