dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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