So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
