Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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