grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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