I want to stick my p in your. b.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
