Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
