I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
