Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
