he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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