my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
