It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
