true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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