I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
