so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
