It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
