im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
