Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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