I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
