During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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