I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
