somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize