yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
