...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
