i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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