Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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