I think im going to throw up on grandma
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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