Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
